When I was in my teenage years, I used to question my existence.
Something like, why do I have to live if everything will be like this?
Everyday fight and loud voices, pressures from everyone everywhere,
unfair opportunities, stolen childhood experiences, and a lot more always comes up to my mind.
Honestly, I don’t really know how a life should be lived. Is it by doing the right thing? Following the norm because that’s what everybody does? Exploring the world until you get lost? Or do anything you want and forget about everything? Every time I try so hard to think how should I live my life, I would end up thinking, how about them? How about the people that I loved?
Then everything that I want would be left in the corner, waiting for the right time.
I was once so down that I have imagined taking away my own life. Yes, that day, oh no!, those days came where I just want to close my eyes and never open it again. I guess that’s the only time I have been selfish that I completely just thought of myself without thinking of the consequences it may bring to the people around me.
I’m a jolly person, I always choose to be happy despite of all the sadness I’ve been through. Reaching that point where I want to end up my life, I suddenly realized, Is it worth it? I decided to roam around and see the world before I finally go. I saw skinny street children asking for food or money. They looked pitiful but they are continuously wearing a smile on their face. On the next road, there was an old lady, alone, waiting for donations, looking so tired but still goes on. As I continue walking, I saw a lot more. More lost people, more dying persons, more miserable, and more heart-rending situations.
But what I learned from them? They keep fighting for their lives. They still want to live hoping for a better life the next day. I feel ashamed. I can sleep comfortably, eat whenever and whatever I like and go wherever I want to.
I do live the life they are wishing for all throughout their existence. Yet, I took that opportunity for granted.
From that day forward, I no longer searched for my life’s worth because every chance to live is an amazing gift and if we will look at it on a different way, fighting for the life given to us is so much the worth. There’s a lot more waiting for us. It’s not that we have to be afraid of dying but we just simply have to live and treasure every single day and time that we can experience what life has to offer. At the end of the day, it is best to surrender everything to Him for God is always there. Whatever you are going through, He will always give you a reason why you should keep going on.
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- Wakas - September 9, 2021
