We can’t really unlove someone. Instead, we just keep on loving them from afar. Moving on and getting over with our person is not the same as killing the love that we once have for them. We just made it less intense than before. Every day, when we choose to let go, the intensity of the love that we feel decreases until it becomes silent. It fools our mind by making us believe that finally, it’s gone.
A love that was silenced is very dangerous. It only needs a tiny spark to relive the memories, enrage the fire, and burn that romantic feeling one more time. It is no wonder why there is an infinite issue between ex-lovers. My colleague once told me; he could not be friends with someone whom he has a previous romantic relationship with. At first, I imagined that it is all about pain, maybe fear of regretting what they once had, which restricted him.
However, more than all the heartbreaks he is afraid to remember is the dread of another spark. That eventually, this spark might burn the flame he once silenced. Not that he hates falling in love again, it is about falling in love again with the same person.
Well, imagine telling your person you’ve had enough, throw all cursed words in front of him like hell. Suddenly, after a few months or maybe even years of moving on, you met him once again, in the most unexpected moment, in the most romantic way.
‘I still love you,’ he said.
Your heart beats faster, like those words you heard were three shots of espresso. In your mind you are thinking, this is the perfect time of saying the lines you’ve been practicing all night while moving on.
Yes, self! Tell him you don’t love him anymore. Slap him with those words! Just like Taylor Swift said! ‘We are never, ever, ever getting back together!’
Finally, you find your courage to speak up, look straight in his eyes, and said with full confidence, stomach in, and chest out.
‘I love you too’
What?
Really?
Here we go again?
Oh no.
You might think this act translates into weakness, perhaps stupidity for some. But even so, this perfect example of ‘marupok’ in the Filipino context is actually an act of bravery. When one took the leap of faith again to that same person who loved her and hurt her the most, she is brave. It’s like diving in the same ocean you once drowned, hoping that this time around, you’ll be able to swim.
