What Should I Do? React or Respond?

My greatest enemy are my emotions. Whenever I’m hurt, I miss someone, I feel something special for someone, I got offended, I remember something painful from the past, or when I want to end something right away, Everything seems so hard to control for me. I used to let my emotions drive me away until I lose control.

I even thought before that following my emotions is great for it somehow fulfills me. I don’t have any questions in my mind for I do whatever I feel like doing. I don’t have “what ifs” and the excitement is always there for I just dive in without thinking about it that much.

However, as maturity hits me, I realized that all those emotional reactions I made turned into regrets even after so many years. To be honest, it’s still hard for me until now. Handling my emotions is a challenge for me that I am continuously working out and trying to be as mindful as I can.

I tried to weigh things lately and practice thinking logically in any kind of situation before doing or saying anything. Although, I will admit that it makes me easily irritated when something cannot be resolved right away. I observed myself and differentiate these two things;

REACT- This is me when I usually say or do something without thinking. All I care about is that I need to defend myself and prove my point. I want others to acknowledge my feelings until they agree with me. When I do this, I usually regret a lot afterwards. The common scenario was like “I shouldn’t have said / done that!”, “This is what I should have done / said instead.” Surprisingly, the fulfillment that I felt after reacting to a certain situation or people turned out to be more frustrating in the long run.

RESPOND- This is me when I pause for a while after encountering any kind of highly-emotional situations. I try to balance my conscious and unconscious mind and blend logic with emotions. I usually think about what will happen to them or any other person involved and if I am in their situation, how would I feel? This is me nowadays, like I finally realized that there are some things that is better left unsaid and when I say or do something, I try to analyze first if it will do any good or harm to me and my loved ones or even to the other people around me.

It’s actually easier for me to compare for I am really an emotional person. When I’m happy, I can easily say “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH” with an enormous feeling as my initial reaction. But now, I can manage to think if I really love that person before saying the words “I LOVE YOU”.

Another example is when I hear a not so nice comment about my family. That “initial reaction” which is to confront that person who said something about my loved ones while I’m still on an anger state may lead to a fight and awkward relationship afterwards. But as a matured or mindful person, I will calm myself down first and relax. I won’t be biased in the situation given that I heard something bad about my family. I will talk to the persons involved and asked what really happened that they ended up spreading bad news to each other until we resolve the issue peacefully.

It may look the same at first or most of the time, we say “That’s just his / her personality.” I used to believe that. Somehow, it was my defense mechanism for a long time that this is me and this is how I am in these kind of situations, I want to talk about it now, I want to resolve it now! This is how I feel!

Until, I focused on mindfulness now and see the difference it can make when you are aware of your actions and when you are open of criticizing yourself. It’s not easy and it will never be because a lot of factors may affect you. The depth of emotions you will have may vary in the situation and person you are talking to.

The only thing that we can control here is our choice. Choice to breathe, pause and think what will be the best response or choice to be carried away by our emotions and react whenever and however we wanted to.

Now, if you can clearly see the difference between the two, it will be up to you if you will practice to RESPOND and be more sensible with your surroundings including your personal well-being or you will continue to REACT and end up hurting the most important people in your life or even yourself.